I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
