i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
