I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
