Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
