JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
we're making bets on your personal life
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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