I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
