And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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