I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm just crazy horny about you
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
