I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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