We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
