I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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