I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
