she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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