Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
