wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Still dying that you shit outside
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
