Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
