Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
