I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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