An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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