new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Are we still banned from the library?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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