From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
