what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Less talking, more tequila
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
