No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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