If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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