She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
