He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
