look no pants
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
