turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
