I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You ruined the universe
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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