well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
