Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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