Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
