i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I would fuck him just for his dog
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
