i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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