did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
