i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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