Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
