i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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