There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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