so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
