Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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