she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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