lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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