I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
