did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
