i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
