hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
