i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
