community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
