My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
