dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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