Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
