4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
