did you get engaged???
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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