Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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