you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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