I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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