So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
