Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
